Pai gave me this book as a farewell gift. I’m currently on Chapter Seven: A Most Extraordinary Garden where I come across this part:
All I’m really getting at is that if you want to improve your life and live with all that you deserve you must run your own race. It doesn’t matter what other people say about you. What is important is what you say to yourself. Do not be concerned with the judgement of others as long as you know what you are doing is right. You can do whatever you want to do as long as it is correct according to your conscience and your heart. Never be ashamed of doing that which is right; decide on what you think is good and then stick to it.
These words hit me like an arrow in the heart. I always try to do the right thing, but I realised that doing the right thing (by my standards. And yes, that link there is just for laughs. :p) does not please everyone! So I mucked around for a while trying to please the people around me and was really unhappy. Now I do what I think is right, but I still worry about making everybody happy. Of course I know that we can never please everybody, but I’m programmed to want to make everybody happy, so this thing is just constantly nagging at the back of my mind. So what I end up doing is, being a poker faced person who does the right thing (again, by my own standards.) and trying very hard to ignore other people’s feelings, which essentially makes me a selfish person.
It’s late (according to my body clock) now and I have no freaking idea what I’m typing. But what I wanna say is, I hate myself for wanting to please everybody and that I agree with that block of text up there, but following it makes me uncomfortable with that incessant nagging in my mind. Rawr.