With the constant exposure of a certain individual in the local media recently, I have been constantly thinking back about the days I had in secondary school.

I am not happy that a person with such a lousy personality gets such an opportunity to expose herself, and possibly be discovered (however small that possibility is). It just further goes to show that the world isn’t fair. Makes me wonder how things like 天时,地理,人合 work.

Sometimes I think to myself, why can’t I give her the benefit of a doubt and take it that she really is a better person now? It’s not that I don’t want to, but the things she say (even now) is really… bad. And then I wonder some more about why I am still so bothered by her (their) existence, when obviously, they don’t give a hoot about me. I also wonder why they stood her side instead of mine. I’m not as scheming as her (At least I’d like to think I’m not. Haha.), and isn’t it tiring if you have to watch your back cos you befriended someone like her? Or maybe they’re with her cos they’re not the target of her schemes? But I think that one of the reason is definitely because she’s not as aggressive/short-tempered as I am. But that’s prolly why she schemes and I don’t. Cos I’m too rash to think calm and collectedly. :3

A lot of things that happened in my childhood, I still remember and regret. They are all very small incidents, and yet I hang onto these memories for dear life, for reasons that elude me. For example, I still remember and regret chasing Jernice out of the chalet bathroom cos it was my turn to shower, but I was too busy fooling around and she went into the bathroom thinking there’s no one wanting to use it. I also remember the times when I insisted on things/ideas/opinions, and neglected the acceptance of other people’s ideas/opinions. I also remember the rubbish this clique of girls fed me about a guy I thought I had a crush on in primary school, and how I lapped it all up cos I was such a stupid and naive girl. I regret being a stupid and naive girl, which prolly explains my thirst for knowledge as I grew older. :3

I think… maybe I subconsciously hang onto these memories because I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. 😡

Edited: Aiya, I forgot I was the one who didn’t want to be friends with them. Hahaha. :p *continues to act 可怜* 😡

4 Replies to “Memories”

  1. Ah but all the experiences of the past have already left their mark and changed you for the better or worse.. so just try and let go? I’m also prone to regretting and cringing over past actions, but there’s really nothing to be gained from it after all this time. Just learn from the past and move on 🙂

  2. Ya lor… precisly why I say for reasons that elude me. Cos I try not to make the same mistakes again, but yet I still remember the incidents like it was yesterday.

  3. *pat* *pat* i believed you have changed for the better. i also have my darkest secrets which i hope no one will know and expose me when they ever saw me. in fact i hope i will never see them ever in my entire life. *over my dead body* but sometimes, we have to face up to the reality, what’s past is *past*. you’ll move on ahead. *jia you*

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